PDF tools that do exactly what they say.
Compress, split and merge PDFs with industrial-grade, physically accurate, extremely literal technology.
Trusted by teams who did not read the description
The workshop
Pick your machine.
Compress PDF
Crush your document's content up to 90% thinner. Every page, every word.
Drop your PDF here
or click to browse. Max sanity: not enforced.
Compression level
Recommended
Your content gets 50% thinner. Direction (vertical or horizontal) is picked by our AI. The AI is a coin.
Processed locally. No uploads, no accounts, no refunds.
Move your cursor to look around · Machine is real · Probably
How it works
Other tools speak in metaphors. We don't.
Upload
Drop a PDF into the machine. It is processed entirely in your browser, so nobody can stop us.
Industrial process
A 40-ton hydraulic press, a ±0.0001 mm laser or a 9,000 RPM fusion vortex does exactly what you asked.
Download the consequences
Get a real, valid PDF. Content: squished, halved or fused. As promised. In writing.
Wall of love
4.9★ from people who skimmed.
“My 40-page contract is now 40 pages of very confident horizontal lines. Legally binding? Probably.”
“I asked it to split my thesis. It split my thesis. I respect that.”
“Merged 300 invoices into one page. Accounting has stopped calling me.”
“The hydraulic press sound is the only thing that calms me down now.”
“Compression: 90%. File size: up 4%. Content: gone. Five stars.”
“Finally a tool that doesn't lie to me.”
Pricing
Simple, compressed pricing.
No hidden fees. All our fees are clearly visible and also fake.
Free
For individuals with documents they don't need.
$0forever
- Compress up to 90%
- Split in half (both halves included)
- Merge into one page
- 100% local processing
- Unlimited regret
Pro
For professionals who want their PDFs truly flat.
$9.99/ month
- Compress up to 100% (true flatness)
- Priority crushing queue (there is no queue)
- Laser in Premium Cyan™
- Emotional-support hydraulic press
- Everything in Free, but smugger
Enterprise
For organisations that need to squish at scale.
Custom
- On-prem hydraulic press (shipping not included)
- SSO: Squish Sign-On
- SLA: 99.99% flatness
- Dedicated split-in-half manager
- Annual pressure audit
FAQ
Frequently asked complaints
Is my PDF actually compressed?+
Yes. Literally. Every page, paper and content, is physically squeezed by the percentage you choose. File size is a different department, and that department is closed.
Why does my split PDF have twice as many pages?+
Because every page was split in half. You asked us to split it. We are a company of our word.
Merge put all my pages on one page.+
Correct. That's what merging means. Look it up.
Is the direction really random?+
Our proprietary AI decides between vertical and horizontal. The AI is Math.random(). It has never been wrong.
Are my files uploaded anywhere?+
No. Everything happens in your browser. We couldn't steal your documents even if we wanted to, and honestly, after seeing what we do to them, would you want us to?
Can I get a refund?+
You paid nothing. We will happily refund all of it.